These Mountains We Climb

“Do you agree to submit to your husband emotionally, spiritually, physically–as well as sexually?” That was a question that was asked to me in a BYU-I office when I was 22 years old. Sexually? Like how? I had a rock on my left hand that I looked at and twisted nervously. I was dumbly, naively, … More If Sam Young’s LDS excommunication doesn’t outrage you, you’re doing something wrong.

It isn’t ever like we imagine. The picture we create in our heads–the expectations we tend to have–they never truly manifest the same way we imagine them up to be. Sometimes we go years wishing for something. Sometimes we’re given something we really have trouble handling, not even knowing it’s the very thing someone else … More For all that God refused me

I woke up at around 2 in the morning with my baby’s foot in my rib and sweat on my forehead. It was the dream–not his kick–that woke me up. I dreamed that I was walking across a concrete floor, wet from a hose, that led to several chain-linked cages against a wall. Frantically in … More For now, he is safe.: A human perspective

“I’m such a jerk.” I said that to myself a week or so ago as I strapped my seat belt under my gargantuan almost-8-month pregnant belly, let out a tired moan, and replayed what I had said to him in the bathroom mirror that morning as he buttoned his work shirt. I was in a … More My husband married a jerk.

It’s still my least-favorite holiday. Probably because no matter how far you come or how things change, you tend to remember. All of it. This last weekend was our baby shower. Our house was filled to overflowing with over fifty family and friends who came to celebrate our baby boy with gifts, food, decorations, laughter, … More To the one who dreads Mother’s Day

I have sat in the empty tomb before. I think we all have in some way or another. We’ve approached where we think He is–where we think help is, or comfort is, or wisdom. And we come up empty. Sometimes–He just isn’t there. I saw this piece of artwork today and it stopped me in … More I’ve also cried at an empty tomb

It was my fault when it really comes down to it. I opened my mouth–again. Or should I say I opened my virtual mouth, seeing as how it all took place on a blog thread. My comment was short–not at all confrontational–and yet it set a fire. And it reminded me of a world I … More Sorry, but Christ doesn’t just want me to be a mother.

I was miserable for too long. I know that now. I regret it. When asked about their greatest regrets, a lot of people say, “I wouldn’t change a thing”. But I would. I would change being miserable. Because I know now that I wasn’t a victim of circumstance. I made myself miserable by doing just … More This is why you’re so miserable

Just two days ago I woke up to the news that the president and prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had died at the age of 90. Still lying in bed I scrolled through the articles and the stories to seek more information, saddened by the news. And then I stumbled … More A goodbye to Thomas S. Monson: From a former Mormon

I was in the restroom at my office when I saw the two blue lines. I stared at the lines, two very dark ones at that, and felt a knot in my throat as I said in a loud whisper: “Really, God?” And it was true. After all the waiting–here you are. Just a poof … More Be a better man: A letter to my son